The Banya, Oh My, The Banya
Dear Readers,
Friday last, I experienced a true Russian banya, or bathhouse. The banya is one of the best in the city (located near the ulitsa 1905 goda metro station, for those of you playing along at home). I had no idea what to expect so this was a completely new and truly foreign experience. So my Russian friend M1 and I enter the banya and find a reception area that would be familiar to any American woman who has ever gotten her hair or nails done. A waist-high, circular glass display case encloses a lone woman with a note pad and a cash register. Behind her is another glass display case containing banya-related products for sale. The woman takes our money (about $20 for 2 hours) and directs us down a narrow hallway and through a set of double doors. OK. I open the doors and no lie, it was like I walked into the most famous scene from Basic Instinct, because directly in front of me sat a woman in a towel (and that's all) that was way too short to accomplish its mission of not freaking me out. And, the woman did not have the sense that God gave her to cross her legs. Trying to avert my eyes from that train wreck, I look around for somewhere to rest my eyes. But the entire room looked like a Mormon's idea of a porn movie; everyone was naked or semi-nude, but doing the most mundane things -- drinking tea, chatting with friends, etc. So at this point I am thinking, um, maybe this is not for me. Then our "hostess" showed us our assigned location. Which was just an upholstered bench in the corner of the room. It took me a minute to realize we were supposed to undress right there, no screen, no curtain, no nothing. By way of explanation, my friend M1, who's English, I thought, was superb told me just three things about the banya:
1) You must bring a bathing suit,
2) You must not bring a hat,
3) You must bring shower shoes.
Unfortunately only the last thing was true. So I pull out my bathing suit to change into and she looks at me like I have two heads.
"What's that for?"
"Because you told me to bring it"
"Well you don't need it. Besides where is your hat?"
"What hat, you told me not to bring one"
"Did I? You really need a hat".
So then our hostess brings us these things, smaller than a sheet, bigger and thinner than a towel. They are really cute and have a cute cartoon figure on them with a saying that says "Mal i star, vso lubit par [old or young, everyone loves the steam]. We change into these "palatensia" and wait for the steam to be ready.
In the meantime, we purchase veniki or birch leaves. I will get to them in a minute.
While we wait, our hostess gave us a quick tour of the banya. Basically divided into two areas, the dry area and the wet area. In the dry area, are the dressing rooms, which in addition to the benches had several small, private cubbies -- shielded by curtains. The cubby rooms also have benches and small tables. In the center of the dry area, there was a large table where tea was served. In a small side room, off the main area,there was a manicure/pedicure station. The wet area was basically a large square open room with showers on near right side, the actual Russian banya (and a Finnish sauna) on the far opposite side and akvamassag on the far left side. Beyond this room were more showers and a wading pool.
After the tour, we went back to our area and waited for the steam to be ready. Then the steam lady calls to us in this high-pitched (like she had been doing helium, or something), sing-song voice. Everyone runs into the wet room and crowds around the door. Because we were trying to buy a hat for me, we missed the initial steam call .
By the time we got to sauna, the door was closed. It is very bad form to be late to the steam, so we had to bang on the door for some time before someone deigned to open it for us. We get into the room, which is dimly lit and made completely of wood. It has "stadium seating" with a large platform at the top. The room is crowded with at least 50 women, mostly nude, all with hats on, natch. Interestestingly enough, there was also a golden-haired, chubby girl of about 9 in the banya with a ready smile and a fond curiosity for me (which was returned). The steam lady was dressed like a sailor or a marathon runner with a striped shirt and panty/shorts (or shantys or ports).
Everyone is sitting or laying on the risers or at the platform at the top of the risers. In the banya, the higher up you go the hotter it is. For the first round ,we stayed at the bottom riser. The steam lady blended some aromatics in a little plastic bucket, then she whipped the contents against the walls all around the room. You are supposed to duck and cover your eyes, so none of the concoction gets in your eyes. Then she starts to prepare the steam. She goes over to the oven, opens the door, scoops up panfuls of water from a big bucket and throws them into the oven. After doing this a while, she asks for feedback from the group. Up until this point, the banya, has been deadly quiet, no one has been talking at all. Now everyone gives their opinion, more steam, less steam, the steam is fine like it is. After some sort of consensus is reached, the steam lady takes a big sheet thing and whips it around in the air. After she does this about 4 times, the banya gets extremely hot. The weird thing is, I honestly never saw any steam, I mean I was sweating and had a sheen of some sort of liquid on my skin, but the banya did not seem to be even as steamy as my shower at home. Anyway, we steam for just a short while longer, and then round 1 was over.
We left the banya (our veniki were still soaking so we did not use them) and headed for the showers. We showered and then went into the wading pool. The 9-year girl was there. She looked at me with the universal expression of "I dare you" and cannonballed into the pool. So because I am a mature professional woman of a certain age, I gave her a look that said "You are on" and I too cannonballed into the pool. Which simply proves that you are never, never too old to be an idiot. The water temperature was far, far north of shockingly cold, just south of excruciatingly cold. My breath was literally taken away. The water was so cold that swimming around didn't really generate any heat, it just made different parts of your body cold.
However, on balance, the wading pool was a great experience. Skinny dipping is one of life's overlooked pleasures. And because I was so hot from the steam room, the cold was refreshing. After the wading pool, we went back to the dry room, ordered tea and pelmeni and waited for the second round of steam (II). This time, we immediately respond when we hear the steam call. As I huddle around the door and wait to enter, I realize that I am looking forward to the steam room. I like the dimness, the heat and the fragrance of the room, the quietness, almost reverence of the crowd. I feel relaxed and refreshed, mentally and physically.
This time the veniki is ready. Veniki are just birch tree branches, with the leaves attached. The veniki are sold in a dried form, then are soaked in a bucket of water until they are softened. People then beat themselves (or their friends) with the veniki at the end of the steam. For those of you who have ever been threatened or actually beaten with a "switch" (you know who you are), this sounds distinctively unappealing. Let me tell you it is nothing like the nightmares of your childhood. In fact, being hit with the veniki is actually more like another, more pleasant childhood memory: jumping in the leaves in autumn. The veniki is formed mainly of birch leaves spread wide and flat. Soaking makes the leaves extremely tender and supple, and they smell good too. When you are beaten by the veniki, the smell and feel of it is evocative of jumping into a pile of freshly-fallen leaves, not the dry crusty ones, but the ones that still have their autumn color and shiny coat. (For those readers who did not grow up in the deciduous tree zone, just play along). My friend M1 and I took turns beating each other at the end of steam II. It felt wonderful.
At steam III, I am addicted. I love the ritual of it-- how it is a quiet, intensely personal but communal experience. I love how it clears my mind and my skin. After the banya, my skin is glowing. I go home and have the best night's sleep I have had in Moscow.
Friday last, I experienced a true Russian banya, or bathhouse. The banya is one of the best in the city (located near the ulitsa 1905 goda metro station, for those of you playing along at home). I had no idea what to expect so this was a completely new and truly foreign experience. So my Russian friend M1 and I enter the banya and find a reception area that would be familiar to any American woman who has ever gotten her hair or nails done. A waist-high, circular glass display case encloses a lone woman with a note pad and a cash register. Behind her is another glass display case containing banya-related products for sale. The woman takes our money (about $20 for 2 hours) and directs us down a narrow hallway and through a set of double doors. OK. I open the doors and no lie, it was like I walked into the most famous scene from Basic Instinct, because directly in front of me sat a woman in a towel (and that's all) that was way too short to accomplish its mission of not freaking me out. And, the woman did not have the sense that God gave her to cross her legs. Trying to avert my eyes from that train wreck, I look around for somewhere to rest my eyes. But the entire room looked like a Mormon's idea of a porn movie; everyone was naked or semi-nude, but doing the most mundane things -- drinking tea, chatting with friends, etc. So at this point I am thinking, um, maybe this is not for me. Then our "hostess" showed us our assigned location. Which was just an upholstered bench in the corner of the room. It took me a minute to realize we were supposed to undress right there, no screen, no curtain, no nothing. By way of explanation, my friend M1, who's English, I thought, was superb told me just three things about the banya:
1) You must bring a bathing suit,
2) You must not bring a hat,
3) You must bring shower shoes.
Unfortunately only the last thing was true. So I pull out my bathing suit to change into and she looks at me like I have two heads.
"What's that for?"
"Because you told me to bring it"
"Well you don't need it. Besides where is your hat?"
"What hat, you told me not to bring one"
"Did I? You really need a hat".
So then our hostess brings us these things, smaller than a sheet, bigger and thinner than a towel. They are really cute and have a cute cartoon figure on them with a saying that says "Mal i star, vso lubit par [old or young, everyone loves the steam]. We change into these "palatensia" and wait for the steam to be ready.
In the meantime, we purchase veniki or birch leaves. I will get to them in a minute.
While we wait, our hostess gave us a quick tour of the banya. Basically divided into two areas, the dry area and the wet area. In the dry area, are the dressing rooms, which in addition to the benches had several small, private cubbies -- shielded by curtains. The cubby rooms also have benches and small tables. In the center of the dry area, there was a large table where tea was served. In a small side room, off the main area,there was a manicure/pedicure station. The wet area was basically a large square open room with showers on near right side, the actual Russian banya (and a Finnish sauna) on the far opposite side and akvamassag on the far left side. Beyond this room were more showers and a wading pool.
After the tour, we went back to our area and waited for the steam to be ready. Then the steam lady calls to us in this high-pitched (like she had been doing helium, or something), sing-song voice. Everyone runs into the wet room and crowds around the door. Because we were trying to buy a hat for me, we missed the initial steam call .
By the time we got to sauna, the door was closed. It is very bad form to be late to the steam, so we had to bang on the door for some time before someone deigned to open it for us. We get into the room, which is dimly lit and made completely of wood. It has "stadium seating" with a large platform at the top. The room is crowded with at least 50 women, mostly nude, all with hats on, natch. Interestestingly enough, there was also a golden-haired, chubby girl of about 9 in the banya with a ready smile and a fond curiosity for me (which was returned). The steam lady was dressed like a sailor or a marathon runner with a striped shirt and panty/shorts (or shantys or ports).
Everyone is sitting or laying on the risers or at the platform at the top of the risers. In the banya, the higher up you go the hotter it is. For the first round ,we stayed at the bottom riser. The steam lady blended some aromatics in a little plastic bucket, then she whipped the contents against the walls all around the room. You are supposed to duck and cover your eyes, so none of the concoction gets in your eyes. Then she starts to prepare the steam. She goes over to the oven, opens the door, scoops up panfuls of water from a big bucket and throws them into the oven. After doing this a while, she asks for feedback from the group. Up until this point, the banya, has been deadly quiet, no one has been talking at all. Now everyone gives their opinion, more steam, less steam, the steam is fine like it is. After some sort of consensus is reached, the steam lady takes a big sheet thing and whips it around in the air. After she does this about 4 times, the banya gets extremely hot. The weird thing is, I honestly never saw any steam, I mean I was sweating and had a sheen of some sort of liquid on my skin, but the banya did not seem to be even as steamy as my shower at home. Anyway, we steam for just a short while longer, and then round 1 was over.
We left the banya (our veniki were still soaking so we did not use them) and headed for the showers. We showered and then went into the wading pool. The 9-year girl was there. She looked at me with the universal expression of "I dare you" and cannonballed into the pool. So because I am a mature professional woman of a certain age, I gave her a look that said "You are on" and I too cannonballed into the pool. Which simply proves that you are never, never too old to be an idiot. The water temperature was far, far north of shockingly cold, just south of excruciatingly cold. My breath was literally taken away. The water was so cold that swimming around didn't really generate any heat, it just made different parts of your body cold.
However, on balance, the wading pool was a great experience. Skinny dipping is one of life's overlooked pleasures. And because I was so hot from the steam room, the cold was refreshing. After the wading pool, we went back to the dry room, ordered tea and pelmeni and waited for the second round of steam (II). This time, we immediately respond when we hear the steam call. As I huddle around the door and wait to enter, I realize that I am looking forward to the steam room. I like the dimness, the heat and the fragrance of the room, the quietness, almost reverence of the crowd. I feel relaxed and refreshed, mentally and physically.
This time the veniki is ready. Veniki are just birch tree branches, with the leaves attached. The veniki are sold in a dried form, then are soaked in a bucket of water until they are softened. People then beat themselves (or their friends) with the veniki at the end of the steam. For those of you who have ever been threatened or actually beaten with a "switch" (you know who you are), this sounds distinctively unappealing. Let me tell you it is nothing like the nightmares of your childhood. In fact, being hit with the veniki is actually more like another, more pleasant childhood memory: jumping in the leaves in autumn. The veniki is formed mainly of birch leaves spread wide and flat. Soaking makes the leaves extremely tender and supple, and they smell good too. When you are beaten by the veniki, the smell and feel of it is evocative of jumping into a pile of freshly-fallen leaves, not the dry crusty ones, but the ones that still have their autumn color and shiny coat. (For those readers who did not grow up in the deciduous tree zone, just play along). My friend M1 and I took turns beating each other at the end of steam II. It felt wonderful.
At steam III, I am addicted. I love the ritual of it-- how it is a quiet, intensely personal but communal experience. I love how it clears my mind and my skin. After the banya, my skin is glowing. I go home and have the best night's sleep I have had in Moscow.
posted by S | 6:54 AM
2 Comments:
Sheree-
Gena just gave me the link to your blog. Just read them all, and they're great! I hope that you're learning lots and adapting more and more.
Kindest regards,
Sam Reichart
Well it appears my stalking skills are more impressive than I care to admit because I FOUND YOU!!! Even the repeated disses I received from you on my last attempts at contact weren't enough to keep me away! I'm glad you are well and adjusting to Russia. I'll have to look into the skype.com so I can tell you how I REALLY feel about my unreturned phone calls (I'm sure this is a family blog). :-) I'm also glad you haven't posted anything in 2 weeks, its given me a chance to catch up. Thanks! Now that I'm caught up, you can start it back up any day now...
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